Today, like every day, I would most like to experience a moment of total peace.  As each day goes by, I'd like to add more peaceful moments, until my life is full of bliss.

The challenge is, of course, to remain peaceful through the day to day stresses.  When the kids become disagreeable or a big bill comes in the mail, I have to dig deep for the peace at my core. 

Ahhh, I become much more present when I am doing yoga or teaching yoga.  I get very centered when I teach.  I find that staying focused on the class and what I need to say or model keeps me present.  If my mind wanders, I forget my lefts and my rights and panic about what to do next.  When I am here and now, everything flows without effort.

I am trying to be as present to everything in my life as I am on my yoga mat.  Like yoga, it is a practice.

Forgiving myself has been a huge part of my spiritual growth.  I always forgave others, taking the blame for failed relationships, until those relationships got so toxic that I had to walk away.  Then I carried guilt for not speaking up sooner, when there might have been a chance to repair the relationship.

When I finally gave myself permission to make mistakes, and forgave myself for all those times I let things go too far, I really changed as a person.  I still struggle with guilt and self-doubt, but I am much more accepting of myself.  I am much more daring now, because I know I will let myself off the hook even if I fail.

A year ago, like today, I was up early getting the kids ready for school and getting myself ready for work.  I fed the dogs and unloaded the dishwasher.

The big difference is where I was doing those things.  Last year we were living in New Jersey's suburbia, this year we are in a cabin in the Adirondack mountains.  Last year my kids were getting ready for a day in huge schools, this year they are settling into a tiny K-12 school.

A year ago today I was getting ready to go to work in the finance department of a big, public company, and probably starting to get stressed out about the impending quarter end, which meant long hours and not seeing my family for a few weeks.  I would have been rushing to get myself ready so I could leave as soon as my youngest got on the bus.  At the end of the day there would have been more rushing to pick him up before day care closed.

This year I don't have to rush.  I have an hour after the kids leave to get myself out the door, then I will drive 5 minutes to the church where I rent space to teach yoga.  I will teach two classes, then come home and enjoy the afternoon.  I'll meet the kids when they get off the bus.  My stress has all melted away.

If I had unlimited funds and no family obligations, my dream month would be spent at an ashram or a yoga retreat, becoming totally immersed in my practice.  I wonder, though, if I could make it a month without missing my husband and children.  In reality, I would probably take the month at home, working on projects around the house and doing some fun things with the kids.  At the end of the month I'm sure I'd look back and find wasted time that I might regret, but sometimes the best way to spend life is just living it.