Birth Control, Musicians, and a Teenage Daughter

Today someone asked me what I was going to say to my daughter about sex, because my daughter is getting close to the age where boys are probably going to start hanging around.  My answer was simple - get on some kind of birth control before the first time and sleep with at least one musician before you get married. 

When my friend stopped laughing enough that she could talk again, she said, "I think you've lost out on the mother of the year nomination again this year."

I said that I wished my mother had given me that advice, for so many reasons.  My mother gave me mixed messages.  She said that sex was good, but I shouldn't have it.  Or something like that.

My advice for my daughter comes from my experience.  If I had been on birth control, I could have avoided terminating an unplanned and ill-timed pregnancy.  It took me a number of years to get past the associated guilt and regret, although looking back now I know it was the best decision I could make at the time.  I have forgiven myself, and asked forgiveness of the soul who missed his chance on earth.

Once the first boy calls, my daughter will take a trip to the doctor.  If at all possible, I will spare her having to make a decision like I did.

Then there's musicians.  If there is any genetic predisposition towards that sort of thing, then my daughter will be attracted to musicians - drummers in particular.  My first big crush in the sixth grade was a guy named Marty who played the drums in the school band.  Most of my infatuations with musicians were nothing more than that, but there were two with whom I've had actual relationships.  It is very telling that I cannot remember the names of all the men I dated and/or slept with when I was younger, but I remember Marty from the sixth grade.  And Todd, the saxophone player.  And Rick, the next drummer to come into my life, and who is the reason for my second piece of advice.

In my early twenties, I had a short marriage to a nice man to whom I had no business being married.  I was in no way ready to settle down, but I got caught up in romance and wedding plans and said "I do" even though I didn't.  A year into the marriage it was already on rocky ground.  Then Rick came drumming along, in a local bar band, and my apparently ingrained attraction to musicians kicked in when Rick made the fateful mistake of smiling at me.  After that, I started going out without my husband, following the band around wherever they were playing.  Rick noticed me, and talked to me, and eventually there was a one night stand.  After that, the marriage collapsed into ruin.  Rick, as it turned out, was only interested in me because it was exciting to steal other men's women.  I left my husband, and Rick moved on to the next married woman he could find.  I moved away.

So, knowing that there is likely to be at least one musician in my daughter's life, I recommend  that she get it out of the way before she marries somebody.  If her marriage ends, it should be because they have amicably agreed that it isn't right for them, not because one night she doesn't come home until eight the next morning smelling like cigarettes and sex, with hair styled in what I like to call the "just been fucked" look.  The divorce proceedings will go better that way. 

In case you were wondering, I have not really gotten over the whole musician infatuation thing.  I love my husband dearly, and have developed some self-control as I've aged, so I would never repeat my earlier transgressions.  I've told my husband all about my musician addiction, and he is happy to let me go to kirtans or drumming circles or whatever, because he knows what kind of mood I will come home in and that mood always works out well for him.  I still work up some nice fantasies about some of the musicians I see.  I tell my husband that it is unfortunate for him in my fantasies, because, since I will never divorce him, I am forced to kill him off by disease or accident so that my fantasy self is free to pursue the musician.  Luckily, my sweet husband thinks this is funny.